


It's Like the Wild West Down There

by Glitterpig



Category: People of Earth (TV 2016)
Genre: M/M, Necromancy, Points of View, Post-Season/Series 02, True Love's Kiss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-16 13:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13054791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glitterpig/pseuds/Glitterpig
Summary: Where is Kurt, where is Ozzie's body, where is your heart when you need it the most?





	It's Like the Wild West Down There

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fenellaevangela](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fenellaevangela/gifts).



Lying back on a trash bag, the stench of the dumpster reminded Jeff of only the very worst waste disposal units on his planet. Offensively foul, with a hint of rotting cheese.

Of course by law, the units on his planet were quarantined in vacuum chambers, far from any living creatures. In civilized parts of the galaxy, trash and rotting food waste were vaporized almost daily, but on Earth they just seemed to leave these dumpster things festering everywhere!

"On most planets they'd get fined up the ass for being a public disruption," Jeff grumbled to himself. He kicked the dumpster lid up so that he saw a sliver of streetlamp before it clattered closed. "Earth? Hah. What a joke."

Today had been a disaster. He closed his eyes and tried to think positively, to calm his mind. It was best not to dwell on how he was stuck on the planet's surface after his six-sided blockhead of a boss zapped him to Earth. Instead he focused on plotting the revenge he would enact once he found a way to teleport back to the ship, how he would kick that cube into the cold heat of space. And to hell with the mission! Jeff had put in more than his share of work on the project, only to have his colleagues and higher-ups mess it all up.

They would all pay.

Everyone except Kurt, of course. Sweet Kurt.

The verdant vision of Jeff's best and brightest coworker swam in his mind. He sniffed against watering eyes, but then coughed, choking on the noxious stench of garbage.

"I will find you," he vowed, voice hoarse. He crawled to his knees and lifted the dumpster lid and peered out into the dark street. "I will find you."

Then he settled back onto a bulky bag to wait. Wait until it was late enough that humans stopped trawling the gross alleyways of earth. Until the moon had set and he could go find Kurt. Until the coast was clear.

 

 

 

 

_Three days later_

The house at 111 Cherry Lane was totally normal. Like, completely normal. Unremarkable, with its gleaming windows and pruned hedges, situated on the corner of an even more unremarkable street. In fact, Yvonne knew that a nice old lady lived there, because sometimes she was outside watering the tulips while Yvonne crammed sizeable stacks of junk mail into her mailbox.

So there was no reason that, when Yvonne opened that same mailbox Monday morning, she would find a dagger resting on the outgoing mail.

It was just lying there, like it was no big thing. Yvonne looked both ways down the quiet street. No one was around.

She reached in for the knife.

It was light in her hand, but had a certain elegance to it.

Yvonne tested the grip. "Huh. That could do a lot of damage."

Now, she'd found a lot of stuff in mailboxes that wasn't supposed to be in there. Gum mostly, and the odd smelly sock. It was usually neighborhood kids playing a prank. But she'd never found a weapon before.

She considered what to do, whether she should leave it or take it back to the post office and fill out the requisite paperwork. She slowly drew it out of the mailbox and put it in her mailbag, looking both ways again. "I guess I'll take this?"

No answer. No kids jumping out of nowhere, nothing at all. She shrugged and went about her day.

And that evening, after she'd clocked out, she left work with the dagger in her purse. After all, she could use more knives ever since Gerry convinced her to get rid of her stash. She picked up some Chinese food from the place that she and Gerry agreed had the best wontons in Beacon, and pulled into the driveway at 6:30 sharp, ready for a long night of binging shows in her pjs.

But just when she was sliding her key in the lock, before she made it inside, a tall figure jumped out of the bushes.

"Yvonne, you're finally home!"

Yvonne screamed and reached into her purse.

It was Walsh — Jonathan Walsh! She recognized him seconds too late, after she'd flung the dagger with deadly precision. Walsh dropped into an easy crouch as it whizzed past his head, lodging an inch deep in the doorframe.

His lizardy eyes took a second to flick back to their human color. Yvonne jumped back.

He looked to the dagger then back to her. "You got my present!"

Yvonne had pepper spray in her hand by now, and was not afraid to use it. "That was you?"

"Uh huh!" Walsh nodded, smile big.

"What the hell? Why?"

"To thank you." He rose slowly from his crouch, hands in front of him.

She squinted. "Thank me for…?"

"Oh, right, right. For a favor. That you haven't done for me yet." Well that was ominous. He pulled the dagger from the doorframe and flipped it in the air. "A couple actually. Can I come in?"

"Hell no, you can't."

He sighed. "Look, I'm in hiding, ok?" He gestured to his flannel shirt and the hip scarf he had around his neck. "I'm on your side."

"My side? And why am I supposed to believe that?"

He looked both ways and lowered his voice, as if they might be heard. "I'm going to take down the alien agenda from within. But I need your help."

And for some reason, maybe it was the word "agenda" or "alien" or the hopeful expression on his stupid fake face, she did believe him.

She rolled her eyes. "Fine." She adjusted her bag and unlocked her door. But then stopped him as he started inside, angling the pepper spray toward his face. "You do anything crazy, I will take you down. Got it?"

"Understood, yes. And thanks."

"So," she flipped on the lights and gestured. "This is my house. That way's the living room."

He'd already started in the right direction. "I know, I've been here before."

"When you broke into my house in the middle of the night last year? Yeah, I remember. I've gone to almost a ton of therapy for that."

"No, no. Last Friday. At your party."

She drew up short. "What?"

"You won't remember, but something happened. That's why I'm here."

Yvonne thought back to Friday night. They’d had the group over to play a normal board game, and then everyone had gone home early to enjoy their weekend. In fact, the entire weekend had been so boring she couldn't even remember what she did.

She shook her head, and raised her pepper spray again. "Ok, you have five seconds before I spray you in your lizard-y face."

He held up his hands again. "Yvonne. Just give me a second, I'll explain everything. But first, I need a phone."

She frowned. "That's the favor you needed?"

"Yeah. Yes. Oh, and hot cheetos." He threw a hand in front of his face when she started forward. "Don't spray me! Don't spray me. Please? I just know you keep a stash and I'm really jonesing for some."

She took a step back. "Fine."

"And...maybe you could give me a place to stay. Just for the night."

"Pushing your luck, Walsh."

"Oh, and one more thing."

"Seriously?" This dude was way out of line. If he wasn't an alien mastermind she would kick him to the curb.

"Yeah," he said. "And this one's a big one."

Whatever Yvonne expected, it was not what came out of Walsh's mouth next.

"I need to examine Gerry's brain."

 

 

 

"No. No freaking way."

Gerry looked from the face of his angel, love of his life and badass partner-in-crime Yvonne, to Walsh, the slimy bastard, who was seated on the couch and smiling serenely like he hadn't been responsible for Gerry's best friend's death.

Gerry shook his head. "Nuh uh, over my dead body am I going to talk to Jonathan friggin Walsh." He glared at the rest of Starcrossed, who were standing warily near the kitchen. "I’m leaving."

"Gerry—" Walsh got to his feet and there was a click as Richard readied his phone to call 9-1-1.

"The police aren't going to do anything," Walsh said for the third time. "Will you just listen to what I have to say?"

"Can it, Walsh. There’s nothing you can say that I’d want to hear." Gerry headed for the door.

Walsh squared his jaw and called out after Gerry, "Even if talking to me could save Ozzie?"

Gerry stopped in the doorway, and hazarded a glance over his shoulder. Walsh’s expression, normally so cheery, was miserable and grey. 

Gerry sighed. Even if Walsh was a cold-blooded lizard man in a human suit bent on world domination, Gerry had no doubt that he had cared about Ozzie, in a strange, twisted sort of way. The look on Walsh's face was enough to break Gerry’s heart, it looked so earnest. 

"Look," Gerry took a deep breath. "I hate to tell you this—"

"Tell me what?"

"Ozzie. It's about Ozzie." Gerry cleared his throat. "He's— About a month ago—"

He pulled up short, couldn’t get the words out.

Kelly stepped out of the kitchen to help him. "—he's dead, Walsh. We're really sorry."

On the other side of Gerry, Richard adjusted his glasses. "If Walsh cared about him at all..."

He'd said it for Gerry’s ears only, but Walsh with his creepy super hearing came toward them.

"Cared about him? Of course I—"

They all took a big step back and Walsh rolled his eyes, receding again and holding up his hands. The gesture was meant to be comforting, but it wasn’t very effective.

Walsh took a deep breath. "Look," he said. "I know, ok? I know he's dead."

Gina mustered the courage to shout, "And it's your fault, you bastard!"

"Fair enough," said Walsh. "But I cared about him, too. I— Actually you know what?" He drew himself up to his full height, and looked Gerry square in the face. "I don't have to explain myself to you. Let me prove it to you instead."

Then he uttered words that totally blew their socks off.

"Ozzie may be dead, but I have a way to bring him back."

Gerry didn't have any response to that.

He wanted to outright reject it as more alien dickery, but if there was even the smallest bit of a possibility…

He wanted Walsh to be right and although he couldn't explain why, he was inclined to take him at his word. For a moment he saw a friendly red light in his mind’s eye ( _dad?_ ) but shook his head clear.

When Walsh stepped forward and grabbed him by the arm, Gerry barely put up a fight. Walsh dragged him to the couch by his puffy jacket and made him sit. He then gestured for Gina to step forward, which she did, begrudgingly and with a scowl.

"Listen," Walsh said. "You were abducted. All of you, Friday night. And somehow you managed to sneak off the ship, against all odds."

"That’s impossible," Gerry said. He’d just spent Friday night hanging out with his friends, nothing weird about it. Nothing had happened, nothing at all, he knew that with complete conviction, with every fiber of his being… His eyes widened. _Oh._

Walsh nodded to him, reading the look of realization on his face. "Now I need to know what my boss did with Ozzie's body after he me down here. I wish I could go check myself, but I don't have a way back to the ship. I was fired. Sort of."

Boy did Gerry have a lot of questions. But one thing stood out more than anything: "Wait, why did you have Ozzie’s body?"

"We dug up his grave. Don’t worry, it was just to study him—" Walsh said over the outroar of voices. "And I was trying to find a way to bring him back to life but then he was gone."

When no one said anything, just stared at him in horror, Walsh continued.

"Anyway, I can save him — at least, I think so — I just need to know where he is, and what happened to you all on the ship." He gestured Gina to sit across from Gerry. "Now hypnotise him."

 

 

 

 

"This again?" Alex said, watching the insanity unfold. "I got off the couch for this?"

Chelsea put a hand on her arm. "I know you’re having a hard time lately, what with losing your job and meeting your surprise twin sister, but you have a serious television addiction." Alex frowned at her, and Chelsea took her hand back. "I’m sorry, no judgment."

As they all watched, Gina waggled her index finger slowly in front of Gerry’s eyes. "You are getting very sleepy, very relaxed," she said, in soothing tones.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You guys are always trying to hypnotise _someone_ ," Alex muttered to Richard. "And there’s no way we were abducted. I watched Chopped reruns all weekend in my pajamas. I was not in outer space." She knew that for absolute certain. Sure she couldn’t remember any actual details about the episodes she watched, but that was totally normal.

And she was missing the newest episode of Chopped now, for what was shaking down to be a illicit meeting and seance thing with Jonathan Walsh, wanted criminal and probable extraterrestrial.

Her train of thought was interrupted by a sound at the door.

Into the room stepped a small man wearing an alien halloween mask. The mask was very large, bulbous and grey, with big black eyes.

"Walsh, I knew I'd find your scaley ass here!" the man said, moments before everyone started screaming.

It was complete chaos.

"You guys, come on. This is obviously just a prank!" Alex said, just before she was dragged to the ground by Richard, who had tipped a chair and was using it as a shield.

She peered over the chair in time to see Kelly dive behind the couch. Margaret threw pillows at the man and at Walsh, and Yvonne pepper sprayed everyone she could reach. Gerry, blinded by the spray, didn’t stop his charge toward the grey alien impersonator, until he fell flat on the rug.

Richard whispered frantically in Alex’s ear. "Did you see that? It used its intergalactic powers to take Gerry down!"

"Calm down, he just tripped on his laptop cord."

"Hey, this looks familiar," Gerry said from his place on the floor, staring up into the masked man’s face. "It’s like I’m back on the table, being poked and prodded."

The masked man stepped gingerly over him and kept moving toward Walsh.

"Hey, Jeff," Walsh said. "Glad you made it. Were you able to you find—"

"Yeah. His body’s in the front bushes."

Walsh clapped a hand on Jeff’s shoulder, eyes filling with something that looked like pride. "That’s great, man. I’m really happy for you."

"Oh shut up. Did you get the information we needed from the subject?"

Alex looked between the two of them. Speaking in code? Man in the bushes? Whatever was happening, this was looking less and less like a prank. The man in the mask had obviously killed someone on Jonathan's orders, and was now hiding his identity. This made both he and Walsh key suspects in...whatever was going on.

For the eleventeenth time, she wished she still had her badge. But FBI woman or no, she would get to the bottom of this.

She stood, despite Richard trying to pull her back down by the belt. "What the hell is going on?"

Walsh grinned at her. "Alex, this is a coworker of mine, Jeff. He’s on our side."

"I’m on no one’s si—"

"Or I’m on _his_ side," Walsh amended. "Whatever. Anyway, now that we’re all here, let’s get this show on the road, ok?"

Alex frowned, but turned the chair back onto its four legs and sat. The details of this potential case were unfolding before her eyes, she just had to be patient.

Walsh looked around, seeming surprised to see the room in disarray. "Ok, where were we?"

"Before we go any further," Gina said. "Why should we trust you?"

"Yeah!" Richard shouted, then hid again.

Walsh frowned. "Because I'm trying to save the human race."

"And why, pray tell, would you even want to do that? You've been coming down here, to our planet, and messing with us for years. Why the change of heart?"

"It's not even worth asking him, Gina. I wouldn’t trust them as far as I can throw ‘em," Richard said, then called to Walsh, "Offense meant."

Walsh frowned, a look of hurt crossing his pretty face. "You know what?" he said. "Offense taken. I didn’t do this, this isn’t my fault. A rogue agent killed Ozzie."

Alex piped up, "Yes, a Russian!"

"Not a Russian, an alien. Ozzie took that bullet for me, and saved my life. Then, just as I was trying to save Ozzie right back, our asshole boss zapped us down to Earth." To Alex, that sounded a little less plausible a story. Walsh looked to her, then the rest of them. "All I’m asking is that you withhold judgment until we find Ozzie. After that, if you’re not happy, then you can be jerks about it."

Yvonne asked, "But why would you need Ozzie?"

"Yeah," Margaret said. "What are you going to do with him?"

"I’m not going to _do_ anything, ok? I just, I made him a promise. And it involves him being alive." His voice became quiet. "He deserves that much."

"No consorting with humans," Jeff muttered in a sing-song voice.

"What was that?"

Jeff put up his hands. "First Don, now you? Look, I’m just saying, one of these days you really need to read the employee binder. Consorting with humans is clearly prohibited, as per section 347—"

Walsh frowned. "I'll read it later, I promise. Gerry, Gina, ready to help save the world?"

Gerry peeled himself up from the floor, eyes streaming. Yvonne got him water to rinse out his eyes, and a towel, and Gerry settled himself back onto the couch.

"Ok Gerry. You’re feeling very sleepy," Gina said. "Very relaxed."

Jeff scoffed, saying to Jonathan, "And how do you presume this pseudoscience will help us?"

"It can't," Alex said. "Sorry, Gina."

Jeff nodded in Alex’s direction. "Exactly. Because hypnotism is bullshit."

Gina opened one eye to hiss, "No, it's not!"

"Yes, yes it is." The grey alien — although definitely not a real alien, Alex reminded herself — patted his pocket. "Now if only I had my visual mind reader."

"I’m going to count down from ten," Gina said loudly, ignoring them. "Ten...nine…"

And just like that, Gerry was out.

Walsh snapped in front of Gerry's face, to no response. "Wow."

Gerry let out a loud snore.

Gina leaned forward. "Ok, Gerry. I’m going to take you back to Friday night. Something strange happened. Do you remember what that was?"

"Yes, a bright light," Gerry said, voice slurring.

"Where are you, Gerry?"

"We’re trapped. Tied to tables." Gerry struggled against invisible ropes, like he was still bound. "The alien ship. I’ve been here before."

Gina looked triumphantly at Jeff and Alex, then turned back to Gerry. "Listen, Gerry, you’re safe here. Can you describe where you are?"

"Yes. It’s sleek and silver inside. No dust at all. Guys in Daft Punk masks are here to hang out with us, and a flying cube."

"Are you safe?"

"Yeah, it's pretty sweet. Some of you guys are freaking out a little, but I know the aliens are our friends."

"Great," said Gina. "Can you tell me how we escaped?"

Gerry raised his eyebrows, eyes still closed. "Yeah, Eric. He's may be a cube, but he's not a square. In fact, he’s a really great guy. 

Jeff scoffed.

"We were chit chatting. He said I was going to live with him forever and be his like space butler and stuff. I was telling to him about my cool board game. He was real proud of me. And while he was distracted, Gina threw her shoe at him and he crashed into the wall."

"That makes sense," Gina nodded. "I’ve always had excellent aim. I played softball for six months you know."

"Gina, focus."

"Sorry, right. Gerry, what happened then? Where was Ozzie’s body?"

"We found it in a glass case. Like a fairytale coffin, Ozzie looked perfectly preserved like he was sleeping. But now he’s gone."

"Where?"

"When we zapped down, we took it. Hid it from aliens who want to hurt him."

Jeff rubbed his hands together. "Now we’re getting somewhere. We need to find that case."

Gina leaned in. "Now Gerry, I'm going to need you to think really hard. Where did we put it?"

Gerry began thrashing his arms. "Where’s Ozzie? Where’s my best friend?"

Walsh caught one of his wrists. "Gina, ask him again."

"Gerry, where’s the safe place we put our friend?"

They all leaned in. It took almost a full minute of silence until Gerry said. "Smelling...coffee. Very...trendy."

Kelly jumped up. "The Remarkable Bean!"

"What? How can you be sure?"

She shrugged. "For one, it’s the only coffee place in Beacon. Small town."

"Well what are we waiting for?"

They sprung into action. Gina woke Gerry. Alex, despite herself, felt adrenaline racing through her veins. Nancy pulled an assault rifle out of her jacket and made for the door.

"Woah!" Yvonne said. "Where'd you get that?"

"I bought it at the corner shop this morning," Nancy said. "Lead the way, sister."

 

 

 

 

The lights were low but still on when they broke into the Remarkable Bean.

"I still have no clue how Ozzie could be in a coffee shop," said Kelly.

"Your favorite coffee shop," Walsh corrected. He looked really intense with his hood pulled over his head, and how he had sunglasses on in the dark. "It makes sense you’d hide him here."

The tile floor was gleaming wet, like it had just been mopped, and the scent of freshly ground coffee was rich in the air. Kelly's eyes fluttered closed as she inhaled. She loved coffee.

"If I was still a federal agent I would object to this," she heard Alex whisper to Margaret. "But I guess this is my life now."

"Oh this is nothing," Margaret told her. "I have a story or two that makes breaking and entering look like child’s play."

Gina cut in. "Let's just find Ozzie, ok guys?"

Kelly wasn’t sure if it was insanity or an unhealthy amount of hope that had brought them all here. A leap of faith that was likely to leave them heartbroken.

She spotted a movement behind the counter and her breath caught in her throat. She really hoping she’d imagined it. She so didn’t want to go to jail for this.

Unfortunately it hadn’t been a trick of the eyes, and there was someone there at one in the morning. An employee stood up into view from where he had been cleaning, a spray bottle in one hand and a rag in the other.

Kelly stepped forward. "Hey, sorry, we’re just here to—" She froze. "Don?"

"Hi, guys." It was totally Don, hair in a top knot, shirt sleeves rolled up.

The silence stretched as all of Starcrossed plus two aliens stared at Don, who only blinked back. He slowly placed the supplies onto the counter.

Kelly was about to make some wild excuse, to explain why she’d broken in with all her friends, when something occurred to her. "But, you quit."

Don looked decidedly shifty.

"No," Kelly frowned. "You did. You quit this job when we—" she looked around at the rest of the group before saying. "—you know, went on our trip. Or was that a lie, too?"

He shook his head. "I got my job back. The Remarkable Bean is very forgiving."

Kelly felt impressed despite herself. "You know, you're really good at getting jobs. You should show me how to do that some time."

Yvonne cut in. "Sorry to interrupt, but we have business to attend to here. Your barista boyfriend should probably leave?"

Kelly sighed. "Yeah, sorry Don. You need to leave the store immediately. For your own safety really."

A guy like Don might have turned out to be a total scoundrel but he didn't deserve to have his mind blown by the existence of aliens, and subsequent alien plot to destroy the human race. At least not tonight, when Kelly was still figuring it all out herself.

Don's eyes looked very blue and sad when he said, "But why? I haven't yet cleaned the steamers."

"Look. There's a— a fire," Kelly grimaced at the obvious lie. "Oh no! Smoke! Ah, you're in danger—"

Next to her, Walsh pulled back his hood. "It's cool, he knows."

"What?"

If Kelly wasn’t mistaken, Don’s eyes lit up at the sight of him, which was confirmed when he said, "Oh, hey Jonathan. Long time no see."

Jonathan went over to join him. "It’s been two days, dude."

Kelly could not believe it. "Excuse me, what the hell is going on?"

Walsh drummed his fingers on the countertop. "Yeah, Don and I are coworkers." He ignored Don, who tried to give him a high five.

The bell dinged over the door and Chelsea screamed. The grey alien — Jeff — came in dragging a body. "Ex-coworkers," he corrected Don. "Walsh, grab Kurt's legs."

Kelly looked helplessly to Don. She was freaking out, hyperventilating a little maybe.

The body being dragged in was not a man. He was in uniform, but his skin was green. A reptilian. He looked dead.

Don came around the counter. "Kelly—"

She held up a hand. "Stay back. I can’t _believe_ you didn’t tell me that you know about— You didn’t even _try_ to tell me." She gestured to Walsh, the grey, and the reptilian. "And you know what? I don’t want to talk to you right now. Tell us where our friend’s body is and we'll get out of here."

She expected Don to look confused. But he took it in stride and said, "Yeah, it’s hidden in the employee cleaning closet."

Kelly glared at him. Don looked very sad, like a kicked puppy.

"No one spotted him?" asked Walsh.

Don shook his head. "No one. It turns out no one goes in the cleaning closet very much. It’s been three days and I didn't even have to wipe any memories."

They headed to the closet through a door behind the counter. Kelly was having a hard time believing this was reality. Her heart was in her throat and she cringed when Walsh put his hand on the handle of the closet door.

"Please be here," he whispered, and opened the door.

"Holy shit."

Inside was a glass case. It was standing on its end, between the mops. And in that case was Ozzie.

Chelsea hurried out of the room and they could hear retching sounds. Richard shook his head. "Well, well, well. Nothing is as it seems."

As the case was being lowered to the ground in the back room, between the giant sacks of coffee beans and the stock of paper cups, Don came to stand next to Kelly.

"Stay away from me, Don." She was hugging herself, unable to take her eyes off Ozzie’s face. This was all so wrong. The only thing that would excuse this was if they brought him back to life somehow, something that seemed very unlikely.

"Kelly," Don said. "You were right to slap me before."

"Yeah I was." She turned to him. "When he said you were coworkers, did he mean… Are you...are you one of them?"

He didn’t deny it. A memory flitted through her mind then. There was something uncanny about his face.

She stared. "You’re the one who visited me."

His eyes filled with tears. "Kelly…"

She looked away again, angry. "Go right ahead and say it — you're a no good two-timing alien who doesn't think twice about wiping memories, and you stole our dead friend."

"You’re right," he said. "I two timed you with a lot of people for my job. I wiped your memory and not only that, I lied to you about my mother. My mother’s not in Iceland, she’s many thousands of lightyears away, and I miss her very much. In fact, I wish I could tell her about you but she’d be so ashamed of me right now for what I did."

Kelly didn’t respond to that. She didn’t know what to say.

He looked so sincere when he said, "I'm sorry I hurt you. If there’s anything, anything I can do… I don’t know how I can apologize enough. I just want you to be happy, Kelly."

"If this thing works," said Kelly, nodding to where Jonathan was prying open the case on the floor. "And if I decide to let you speak to me again after this, you owe me like five hundred drinks. You know that, right?"

He gasped, eyes watering again. "Deal. Except, I've just been struggling with my alcoholism, so how about I get you a coffee instead?"

She was saved from having to come up with an answer when there was a cracking noise. They turned to watch the case open.

Yvonne came up next to her. "Am I the only one who thinks this is super messed up?"

"You and me both."

"Ok, Jeff," said Walsh, gesturing Jeff forward. "Do it."

Kelly wasn't sure what was about to happen, what bringing someone back from the dead entailed. What she wasn't expecting was Jeff to kneel next to the case, and say to them all, "I will be administering CPR to Subject 28409. Observe as the life force re-enters his body."

Well, ok then.

Jonathan's mouth was downturned, eyes dark. "Do it," he said seriously.

As Jeff leaned over the case and laid his mouth against Ozzie’s, Kelly saw Walsh briefly close his eyes.

There was a tiny flash of light, and they all gasped. Kelly thought maybe it really was Ozzie's lifeforce re-entering his body, or something similarly metaphysical. But then Richard whispered, "Margaret!" in scandalized tones and she saw Margaret slip the phone back into her purse.

"Sorry."

They waited. Nothing happened.

"I don’t understand," Jeff said, still on one knee. "It worked before."

The chances of it working were seeming drastically less likely as the seconds ticked by.

Gina breathed in a half sob. "Come on, Ozzie."

Gerry touched Ozzie's hand, but it looked cold and limp from here.

Walsh kicked at a bag of paper cups. "Dammit!"

The cups went scattering. No one else said a word, the seconds stretching out on a hope that was quickly dissipating.

Jeff slapped Ozzie's cheek, the sound sharp in the silence. He looked up at Walsh, and said again, "I don't understand. It should have worked. I'm— I'm sorry."

Walsh rubbed at his eyes. Then said, "You know what?"

He strode to the case and stared down. He shoved Jeff out of the way and bent over Ozzie himself. "Here, let me try."

He looked down at Ozzie’s face for a long moment. Then, coming to a decision, he leaned in and pressed his mouth to Ozzie's in a slow, determined kiss.

Kelly stared. This was definitely not just CPR. It was not the time, or the place, but if this worked...well, it would be great blackmail.

If.

They waited a beat. Another.

"Please work," someone whispered.

The kiss went on and on, and Kelly caught herself tearing up at the sight of Jonathan, unwilling to end the kiss because ending it would mean defeat. That Ozzie was really gone.

There was a choked noise, and they all screamed as Ozzie's body jerked.

"Zombies are real!" Richard shouted.

Walsh pulled away, a big grin on his face. He cleanly avoided Ozzie's arm as it flailed out, Ozzie shouting, "Walsh watch out!"

Jonathan put his hand back on Ozzie's face. "Shh, I got you buddy. You're safe."

Ozzie blinked his eyes open. "Jonathan? What happened to the gun?"

"You were shot. But we got you back." He still had his hand on Ozzie's cheek. "You know, when I promised you I'd get you tased again, I think you misunderstood."

Then he ducked his head and kissed Ozzie again. This time there really was no mistaking it. And then Ozzie raised up on one elbow and kissed him back.

There was a deafening silence, until someone in the group said, " _Yes_."

It may have been Kelly herself. Yvonne cleared her throat meaningfully and Kelly averted her eyes.

The rest of them were in definite shock. Alex was standing dumbstruck, while Gina grabbed Margaret into a tight hug. Gerry whispered a couple thank yous to the universe while Richard quietly wept.

Kelly absolutely couldn't believe it. Ozzie, alive. Jonathan swooping in like some prince charming. "This is some Snow White type shit right there," she said to the room. No one disagreed.

Of all the questions this brought up about life, death, and the impermanence thereof, one thing she was certain of now, was Jonathan Walsh was totally in love with Ozzie Graham.

"Ok, move over," Jeff said imperiously, interrupting the most romantic thing Kelly had ever witnessed to hurry Ozzie out of the case. "More beings that need to be revived, no time like the present. Walsh, help me get Kurt in the chamber."

Kelly heard a sniffling next to her, and looked over to see Don pull a Remarkable Bean napkin out of a stack on the shelf to daub at his eyes.

"Are you...crying?" 

Dammit, he was. Kelly still had a lot of questions, and she wasn’t about to just up and forgive him, but maybe real Don was just as sweet as the Don she’d thought she’d known.

“There, there,” said Kelly. “Feel your feelings.”

Don smiled bravely at her. "It is all just so beautiful." 

"It really is." 

 

 

 

"The ship's comm is up on the ship," said an alien Ozzie had been told to call Jeff. "But long practice and dedication to following protocol requires me to note findings on our human subjects." Jeff flipped on a pocket-sized recorder and spoke into the mic. "Date: End of Earth Year 2017, Location: Earth. Subject 28409 has been revived. Responding normally to stimuli. Motor function appears normal. Speech patterns appear somewhat compromised, but are rapidly returning."

"Jeff, give him a second." Jonathan squeezed Ozzie's shoulder, a comforting gesture amidst total madness. "How are you feeling, buddy?"

"Like I've gone one too many rounds in the batting cage. And I was the bat." Ozzie rubbed at his chest, where he assumed he'd find the healing gunshot wound. He hadn't looked yet, maybe he'd save that til a later date.

He'd been shot. He remembered it like it was yesterday, but really over a month had passed. He took in a ragged, soul-deep breath, and clutched his Remarkable Bean to-go cup. He was wrapped in Gerry's puffy jacket, seated at one of the coffee shop tables about ten minutes after Jonathan...kissed him back to life? And after he kissed Jonathan right back. Which would be confusing even if it hadn't turned out Jonathan was an alien, so at this point Ozzie didn't even know what to think. The coffee cup was warm and comforting in his hands though, and that was what mattered.

Don, Kelly's ex-boyfriend slash white alien, had made them all their favorites: hot chocolate for Gerry and Yvonne, and lattes for Gina, Richard, and Chelsea. Margaret only drank herbal tea while Kelly had her coffee black.

When Ozzie glanced over, Jonathan's mouth still looked pinked, his eyes soft as he watched Ozzie over the brim of his a nonfat double macchiato. He wouldn't stop staring, none of them would.

"Don't get weird," Jonathan said.

Ozzie quirked an eyebrow at him, and Jonathan gave him a goofy smile that weirdly set his heartbeat thumping.

"I'm so glad you're back."

"Look," said Ozzie to cut through the tension of the moment. "Just because we're not working together anymore doesn't mean you can get all...cheesy on me. We haven’t even gone on a date."

The joke kind of fell flat, but Jonathan's smile was soft. "I’m so glad you’re not dead."

"Yeah, you and me both."

Ozzie looked around at the nearby tables of the members of Starcrossed stared back at him with tear-streaked faces.

"Look, can everyone stop crying already? I’m fine."

In the corner, Jeff was discussing alien experimentation like it was normal coffee shop talk. "No human's ever been out that long," Ozzie could hear him whispering to Kurt. "We'll have to check his stats."

Kurt snapped his scaley fingers. "Nuts. I have all my tools up on the ship."

Jeff shrugged. "We'll improvise. There's got to be an animal doctor store somewhere in this town. After we kick Eric out of the ship we can transpose our findings."

"I like where your giant brain is going with this."

Jeff smiled, a twitch of his mouth. "Thanks, Kurt. Speaking of, we'll have to examine his brain for decomposition."

Gerry loomed in, "Hell no, you can't examine his brain. That's my best friend you're talking about."

Kurt didn't seem to notice him, leaning down to say to Jeff, "I can’t wait to record data with you again. It's always a good time."

"I love you— I mean, I love your lizard brain," said Jeff.

Kurt took Jeff's hand and leaned in, looking like the scales had fallen from his eyes and he understood what Jeff was really trying to say. "Copy that," he said, seriously.

"They have this whole interspecies thing going on," Jonathan explained to Ozzie, and sipping from his cup. "I’m happy for them."

Ozzie looked back to him. "Have you always been such a romantic, Walsh?"

Walsh's foot found Ozzie's under the table and knocked against it. "Hey, no more making fun of me. I saved your life. It was a lot of effort, too. I deserve at least one day off from your perpetual disdain."

Ozzie grinned. "You know, your obsession with me is pretty creepy."

"You got a problem with that?"

"Nah." Ozzie felt another heart pang, and grimaced at the sentiment. "All told, it's kind of...sweet."

He hazarded a glance up at Jonathan, who he found was looking hopefully at him. It was an expression Jonathan always turned on him when he wanted something; Ozzie, you have an in with the DA's office don't you? Take a sip of this seawater coldbrew, Ozzie. Take a selfie with me with this new alpaca wool scarf, Ozzie. 

Those things often ended in disaster.

Ozzie rolled his eyes. "What do you want, Jonathan?"

Jonathan leaned in and said with not even a touch of irony, "To save you and the rest of humanity by taking down the reptilian agenda from within. You'll help me, won't you Ozzie?"

Ozzie sighed. He looked around the room, to where Kelly was pretending not to watch them, to where Kurt and Jeff were still discussing lobotomizing him, where Yvonne was checking out Nancy's assault rifle.

"I don’t know, I’m super busy." Ozzie tried to keep the smile off his face, but wasn't sure he was successful.

"I know you're happiest when you're doing real work. You know, uncovering the truth with your best bud." He grinned at him, ignoring Gerry's outraged protest behind them. 

"Right, how hard could that be?" said Ozzie.

Jonathan jumped to his feet, giving a fist pump. He pointed at Ozzie. "You're awesome, Ozzie Graham! We're going to do so many cool things."

"Yeah, yeah," Ozzie said. "But friendship still pending."

The world needed saving, and it's not like he had anything better to do.

"This is really going to be one for the resume," he said, and turned to his Starcrossed family. "How about it? You want to team up with some rogue aliens and help save all of mankind?"

Gerry stepped up. "Hell yes, we do."

There was a chorus of assent, and nods.

Ozzie nodded to Jonathan. "Looks like we're all in."

And once they finished their drinks, they exited the Remarkable Bean together, a ragtag bunch of intermittently employed, super invested friends. A motley crew. 

Ozzie let Jonathan crook an arm around his kneck as they walked, rolling his eyes even as Jonathan leaned in the murmur against his cheek, "And let's get some cheese fries on the way."

The future looked tentatively brilliant from where Ozzie was standing. News of this revolution would not be printed, he knew, and no one would read it in any newspaper. But it would be awesome.

He'd call his mom later.


End file.
